Personal Journeys

As an educator, I am always seeking learning opportunities. It’s in my nature I guess. One of the things I have been seeking in my learning journey for awhile is mindfulness. Problem is I have a “monkey-mind”. My release of energy has always been through activity…for the last two years kickboxing. Oh how I love kickboxing, it gets out angst, quells my anxiety, and provides that physical exhaustion needed after some very busy days. However, I struggle to still. The only time I am good at stillness is when we go camping. It is forced relaxation that I relish and crave, but can’t do so well any other time.

Last year I worked with a local practitioner for a session on best practice for meditation…I only met with her once. I embraced the Headspace app, got through the three free rounds…paid for it for I loved it, then back to school time came and that went out the window as life took over. I keep promising myself to embrace mediation for I have done all the readings on the benefits, I know it would help my anxiety in other much-needed ways. I…just….can’t……still.

I had made it my New Year’s resolution this year to meditation at least a minute a day, and I couldn’t even manage that. So one of my kickboxing instructors was recently talking about how she has embraced it in the last couple months and the difference it made in things like sleep. I so need help with that.

So here I go again, it’s #MayMeditation month. But I am holding myself accountable, as they say to do in kickboxing class by posting it. Since it is a learning path I thought I would post it here.

What really got me going was listening to The Book of Joy, which is, in my opinion, best is audiobook format for you get the real voices of the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu. I have listened to parts of it several times yet it resonated with me and has made me realize that joy can truly be found in stillness.

So it is May 3, 2018. So far I have done one or two mediation’s using the Calm app for the last two days. I tried using Headspace again but I think I needed novelty of another guide to meet this challenge. Calm came highly recommended by several people of late so figured it was a sign to try it. I will admit I have only managed to do these when going to bed. I need to embrace pauses in the delay, yet I need to follow baby steps. I can relish an hour of kickboxing and I certainly can do good for myself and relish even just 3 minutes of quiet. This is a battle and a journey. So I keep it honest and real by putting it out there to be accountable.

….to be continued… and yes I haven’t mediated today…yet…

Checking back in…May 12….

So yeah I didn’t meditate that day, as I got caught up in the fun and games with the people I was with at the retreat. And I haven’t done the Calm app everyday as I planned. However, I have taken moments of pause each day that I haven’t done the app. Spring is such a luscious time to sit and listen. The birds chirping, lawn mowers going, the sounds of kids finally getting outside after our very long winter, the sounds of the softball fields down the road…so much to sit and take in. Add in the sights of trees blooming with color, seeds sprouting in my garden and the grass waking from a long winter slumber. I have taken to just sitting outside and embracing what is being presented without thought. Just listening, just looking…just breathing,

Yet today is raining, so will I observe the rain? Today I hope to use my Calm app for I know I will need to use it during my work day during the next month and a half that always is chaotic. I would like to be able to get through this annual time of brain drain with less impact on myself by taking time for self care. We will see.